


Red

by amdnj



Category: Kamen Rider Ghost
Genre: Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 08:27:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7610863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amdnj/pseuds/amdnj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after Episode 41.<br/>Could possibly hold non-canon information depending on how the show goes.</p><p>Alan has nightmares after the magistrates reveals.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red

The door closes behind him. Its sound is quieter than usual, almost forgotten. Then again the world in general feels so quiet compared to the way his thoughts swirl in his mind. Things he's ignored. Things he's purposefully forgotten. Things he's drowned in his family, in Takeru's Kisses, in Makoto's touches, in Kanon's smiles, in Onari's reassurances, in Akari's words, in the monks gestures.....Things he's batted away with training. With fighting. And the thoughts that would pour in the in between....blocked with Takoyaki and anything he could remotely get his hands on.

It was harder now. It wasn't just because it was night. Because he was alone. There was no one to block out the way his heart was suddenly too aware of the pins and needles and static consuming him. There was nothing. And he knew too well that sleep betrayed him.

Wasn't that why he woke up so early to see Takeru every morning most likely doing the same thing?

Wasn't that why he'd done everything in his power to ignore his nightmares? To try to force his dreams into pleasant things? Into Takeru's Kisses...Makoto's kisses.....their warmth...

But it was harder now. Now that the Magistrate had told them so much. So much that he'd never known. He falls back onto his cot, staring straight at the ceiling. His stomach twisted and burned and his skin prickled and cooled and burned and seared with ever single thing he'd never known. Never been told. Everything they'd ever kept from him. Kept from him as he was told he was a prince. A commander. Important. Powerful better. Told himself that Adel didn't really...that it was because he was too...he wasn't....but he wasn't.....He had to remember to breath.

...He couldn't remember what the world was like before he was an eyecon. He couldn't remember his mother very well. Or Argos. Or even if the sky had always been red?

He couldn't really remember anything....

The longer he focused...the blurrier his mind went. The harder he tried......the more......

_Was the Sky always Red?_

The sky doesn't have a color. It's void filled pit of nothing...not black or blue or pink or orange.....or  _Red?_  There's supposed to be a color. There's supposed to be a sky...

Maybe it was Blue?

 _"Alan..."_ There is a voice. It's warm and loving and kind....it's almost familiar. A woman's voice. But it's not quite Aria's. It's not Akari's or Kanon's...or....Fumi-Baa's...But he knows the voice. And he tries to turn to see the speaker but....she is like the sky. There is nothing. But he knows someone is here. A faceless, formless feeling.

He closes his eyes trying to remember her face....anything about her. Who she is...and why she is so familiar? There's a gentle smooth feeling across his cheek, across his neck. It's not like anything he remembers. Or he does but it's not like anything he  ** _remembers._**

 _"I will always love you...."_ And he chokes, trying to reach out for her, but just as he does she's gone. But he can still hear her. Again and again. Her gentle touch. Her soothing words. Her smile....just barely.....And it's only when her words become an echo mixed with his father's last words does he...does....he

Mother.

That was his.....but she's. Dead. Dead. And so are his memories of her. Gone distorted and replaced with hundreds of years of worthless memories of nothing changing. Of the sky being red. Of his family being torn to shreds.

Of his family....his family....

His father. Kind. Loving. Gentle, stern smiles. Gone. Separated  and shattered. Shattered and shot and in his arms dying. Everything slipping through his fingers. Taken from him.

His Brother.....Adel. Was he always this way? Didn't he smile too? Didn't he care too? Wasn't he once...not bitter and hateful? Emotionless and heartless. Not trying to rip his world from him?

He had no memories of Argos.....torn form him due to time just like his Mother.

His.......sister. 

The sky is red.

His sister. Is still. Adel has her. She's....in danger. She's...And he choking. Choking because Aria is stronger. Stronger than Adel for sure. Smarter. Better. He's always admired her. But Adel has the ganmeisers. Adel...isn't even Adel anymore is he?

His family isn't even a family anymore....?

The sky is red and broken and raining and broken....like his feeling and his heart and his entire grip of whatever his family used to be.

He still doesn't know what his mother looks like.

...And he tries so hard to think about his new family. About Takeru's kisses. And Makoto's Smiles. That Aria was alive still....that...

But the sky is red.

And Takeru's life is on a timer that no one understand. That's he died so many times. Shattered. Shattered. Shattered. And he doesn't know if when the timer goes off, if he'll be able to come back again. No one knows. No one knows.

And Makoto is hurt? There's another one of him. And Makoto has been shoulder his own pain and burden without telling anyone anything...but it's not like he even knows what's happening.....but Makoto is hurt.....and his mind overlays that with the image of his eyecon shattering again and again. The way his heart screamed and will scream. But he's not an eyecon this time and he will die. He will die and not come back...

And Adel can kill Aria whenever he wants with the Great Eye....that he didn't even know what is was. It was always there right? Right? It's not like he'd know. It's not like he knows anything.

And the sky is red and dirty and painful and searing and frantic. Painted in the blood of his family that he has lost. The family that he will lose.

And his memory swarms and screams. Takeru shattered. Makoto shattering. Kanon coughing and sick. 

And the ground painted red the same way the sky is....the Earth painted the same.....but the ground is red and everyone is screaming and burning and screaming and he suddenly can't breath but it's not like the last time. He's not sick. He's screaming and he can't stop because everyone is everyone is...

And he tries and he tries to focus on his family. On how they will be safe. Optimism. Optimism. Optismism. Sunrises and Sunsets. The way the stars twinkle at night. The way Takeru's kisses feel like. The way Makoto's smile shine. The way Kanon's laugh warms his heart. The way Aria's presence has calmed him. On his family. On his family. On his family. They're still...They're still...

But the ground is red. No the sky is red. But the ground is red....

And when he finds himself crying hard enough to burn his throat straight through....to stop him in his tracks....to stop his thoughts for a moment....

His heart stops because instead its Necrom Spectre. It's trying to kill Takeru. It's jealousy and rage. And playing with lives like it was nothing. It's false pretense that he was a hero when in actuality he was a bad guy. And he wonders if the ground being red is his punishment for his entire existence...and his skin is burning. And he is screaming.

 Because even if he deserves punishment..even if he deserves punishment.....they.....they.....they don't. They don't. They do not deserve to be.....they...

And he finds himself waking up to the sounds of his own screaming...to only moment later the door slamming open. Makoto at the door. Takeru behind him. Eyes worried and protective and fierce. The rest of his family at the door way, all awake by his scream.

And when Makoto and Takeru reach out to touch him to comfort him....Necrom Spectre and every awful thing he's ever done play and plays and overlays with every single image of each one of them dying over and over and he flinches at the sheer contact.

But he needs the contact more than he wants to deny himself what he doesn't deserve.

"....Makoto....Takeru...." He buries his face in Makoto's chest, Takeru's arms behind him.

"....Bring my Sister back alive...please..." Please don't die. Don't die. Don't die. No more deaths......

All Alan wanted was his family. One that wouldn't fall apart to the point that he hadn't known what a family was supposed to be.

He still didn't know what his mother looked like.

 

 


End file.
